Tuesday, May 5, 2009

How Not To End A Relationship.

As y'all well know, it is my preference to avoid blogging about "personal things" on here, not just because I don't expect you to actually care, but also because well-they're personal for a reason. I love the internet, but I also appreciate not spreading my life to (potentially) the world at large. That said, after speaking with a good friend earlier on the golf course after work and telling him the story, he suggested to me that it was just fucked up enough to be worth telling-and so, here I am to tell it. Know that it is 100% accurate and true, becuase that's how I roll-those who know me know that truth is something important to me, and how hypocritical of me would it be to clammor for it only to spread untruths? That said, enjoy, let's begin with a little backstory.

Amanda (you'll also see her referred to Panda once, her name of choice not a pet name of mine) and I have known each other for some 10 years. In my mis-spent youth working with bands and going to clubs, we made each others acquaintance on account of liking many similar bands and developed a friendship. Later, when I created Buzz-Oven with Aden Holt and Tony Edwards she was among the first people I contacted to get on-board. We both liked a lot of bands, both had a passion for music, and knew each other. Over the years we'd see each other at shows, maybe exchange a few messages over myspace/facebook about local music-it was never a terribly strong friendship, but we were frieds. She lived in Ft. Worth, I lived in Denton and then Dallas...the logistics were just never quite there.

Then this past February, we made plans to go see Trail Of The Dead at the Granada, which she'd end up backing out of but next time she was in town I met her up at Vickery Bar for drinks and we hit it off as though I was still 19 and her 21-like we did in our youth. One night of good conversation made it clear there was something there, and so over the next couple weeks we started texting each other and making plans with each other and before you know it, we're dating. We'd both had crushes on each other in our youth, but circumstances made that impossible then-but now, hey, everything was lined up. And things were good.

We started to meet each others friends, she asks me to meet her family, we make plans for some small summer trips, we see each other 2-3 times a week (we lived 50mi apart and had jobs, so any more was tough)....you know, the things a couple does. As Sunny Day Real Estate would put it, the days were golden [as an aside, i've got stop associating exes with SDRE songs, its really ruining the band for me]. I don't feel that I'm at all exaggerating when I say that it was a very fine foundation for a fledgeling relationship, and that as we're both making plans for the future that we both also thought it had a future. We get about 6-7 weeks in, and then it all changes.

On a tuesday she starts to get a little distant, on wednesday she grows extremely so (normally we went out on wednesdays, but this particular week I had some pressing stuff for work and couldn't make it) and starts talking to me about this "great conversation" she had that night with her friends. Next day comes the call, which isn't to say I wasn't expecting it, but it came;
Matt, I just don't see a future here, and I don't see a reason to keep this
going on if that's the case.
A little unexpected, but fine. I ask her why, she says that's just how she feels. It's a fairly young relationship and while I lamented it's loss (and to be fair, sent two fairly drunken text messages about it the next night-though nothing shocking), it was what it was. Next day called to inquire further, she was vague and just said she didnt see a future again-and again, while I think that's slightly shitty, it is what it is and she wouldn't be the first girl to end a relationship with a vague excuse. We're both adults here, it happens. A week later I drop her a text asking if she still felt that way, phrased just like that, and get no response. A few nights later we're both at the Slow Roosevelt reunion show (she worked merch for them, I was just a fan). I wave and smile, she does the same-wham, bam, done...that's that. It's over [and I'm ok with that].

Or so I thought.....

Cue last night. I'd just finished watching RocknRolla with the room-mate [pretty damn good by the way], setting up a post-work tee-time with The Doss for today [I of course played like hell], and was dicking around on teh intertubed with the Rangers game in the background when I get this from Amanda. Know that we hadn't actually spoken/texted in two weeks, and that we'd been done for three.

10:09 So here's the reason
[picture from above is attached]

It's her mugging down with a dude. Ok, well that's out of nowhere and kind of shitty, but again-c'est la vie-it is what it is. And the following is the transcript of the night.

(Amanda) 10:09 So here's the reason

(me)10:13 Wow Amanda, that's a really shitty way to tell me. And I really thought we were better friends than that. Why couldn't you just tell me?

(me) 10:14 I am totally cool with it not working out, and still really want to be friends with you, really I do...but that's a pretty shitty thing to do and you know it.

(Amanda) 10:15 thats whar you get for thinking frenchy [spelling errors are as they were]

(me) 10:15 and does that mean I need to get an STD test? Or did you atleast not overlap us, plz be honest

(me) 10:16 fucking Keith [the husband of a friend] that's not cool man, that's really a dick thing to do to a man.

(Amanda) 10:18 No need for an STD test she's classier than that [oh the irony...]

(me) 10:19 that's really fucked up man, what did I ever do to you or her?

[at this point, I think it's Keith sending me the messages, the syntax matched conversations. As far as I know it, in fact, was not Keith]

(Amanda) 10:26 Uh so not Panda [Amanda] here but why single Keith out...fucking girl!

(me) 10:27 because Carina [Keith's wife] Keith called me frenchy and this is a really fucked up thing y'all are doing.

(Amanda) Dude this is make out cheat on you guy....why are you such a pussy ass fagget ass bitch. Get over it frenchey. i'm better than you get over it. man up dude.

[At this point I call her phone, and this guy answers. He feels the need to tell me that I need a haircut [quite true] and is otherwise just an insulting asshole-not terribly shocking. Oh, and that he started sleeping with her two weeks into our relationship.

(me) 10:34 Ya man....bet you are. Good luck with everything man.

(Amanda) 10:36 I'm john mother fucking abbs bitch

(me) 10:37 Well congratu-fucking-lations douchewad. [I wish i'd typed asshat.....]

[At this point Keith calls me from her phone, claiming that she's wasted [oh ok, then it's all good...] and that he's had to chase her outside to get her phone. I asked him why I deserved this bullshit he said I didn't.]

(Amanda) dude, his "toungue" his longer than yours. get over it already.

(me) 10:53 Again, good luck with it all man.

(Amanda) 10:56 So far, from what i'm told im having way better luck than you frenchy. [really, am i supposed to be insulted by being called French when I am?]

(me) 10:58 Well then congratulations man, keep it up and make her happy. She's a cool chick and deserves it.

(Amanda) 11:00 you have no idea how cool she is and what shes really capable of dude.

(me) 11:02 I think I do, but I hope you maximize that and make her super happy. Because while you're a cocksucking asshole, I do hope she finds what she wants.

(Amanda) 11:09 Dude after 5 times you couldnt make ger "happy". seriously you have no fucking idea how to make her happy or whay shes capable of. get over yourself you litgle dicked fagget ass sperm burping cum guzzlling ass fucking fagget.

(me) 11:11 I'm quite over myself, and again wish you good luck.

(Amanda) 11:13 Good for you. I don't need luck i've got skill.

(me) 11:14 Well then kudos to you for that. That should do the trick.

(Amanda) 11:24 Dude I heard about all the pussy ass text and the way you bitched out at the concert and the fact that you were too girly to make her happy. just fucking man up and get ovet it.

(me) 11:25 You already said that.

At which point I, you know, went to bed....having a job and all, especially one that makes tuesdays a bitch. It was better to let this die for the night and call her in the morning. Of course, this morning when I called her, she didn't pick up [any reasonable person would have far too much shame to do so....]. Text her saying that after that bullshit I atleast deserved an explanation and got nothing, then got de-friended on facebook [oh QQ (thats sarcastic crying for you non-gamers), I'm so sad! such pain!]. It's so passive-aggressive, and yet expected.

But before I close out this story-this lesson on how not to be the biggest cunt you can possibly be to a person you broke up with a few weeks after the fact, please let me point out a few things, most notably that;
1) This was done three weeks after the fact, and two weeks after last talking to her.
2) This was done via obviously drunken text message, by a douche, from her phone.
3) Keith and I never got along that well, and I feel slightly vindicated by even his admission that this was bullshit.
4) Everything written above is exactly as was, and is the truth.
5) Who the fuck breaks up with someone-in an amicable way-and then wants to rub it in three weeks later? And why?
6) Who the hell calls someone what he called me, and then refers to sex in euphemisms?

At this point all I can really do is laugh at the situation, but I wanted to share. Hopefully someone, somewhere, takes something from this. Cheers and Go Mavs!


Paul McEnany said...

Wow - what a fucking assface. Double time. We're grown ups now - we shouldn't have to deal with that crazy bullshit.

And I know you had some ad questions or something, so still feel free to hit me up. Glazers is actually a client of ours, so technically, you're paying for it. :)

Sarah said...

Wow fucking bitch move! How immature! I am speechless besides calling her a bitch

Dick said...

Fuck me. She is more vindictive than the high school cheerleader who "took one" for the whole team before the game but didn't get invited to the party after they won.

I guess to get back at her we will have to take a dump on her porch and then light the place on fire.

I think what we can all learn from fucked up break ups is that you must thank god you found out she was a total fuck face now instead of after she got her teeth buried in your scrotum. At least you can be fairly certain the douchebagery ends here.

Let's grab a beer and a hooker.

Anonymous said...

Good riddance, I say.

She was fugly anyway.



Anonymous said...

Dude. That was not cool at all. Poor Matt.

This is Jenny Blundell BTW, I can't figure out how to leave a comment w/ just my name. I'm confused on so many levels right now.

Karen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Karen said...

Matt, I think you did a very fine job at maintaining your composure and being the better man (which you already knew). I am also very impressed with how you did not play into low level insults, and you let it be. I also agree with you as to how shitty it was - why not just tell? Sometimes women feel a sense of guilt (as she should have) about revealing that another new found relationship has taken precedence over an existing one. Good job holding your own, and shame on her for choosing to have others filter a conversation that was meant to exist between solely you and her. Not that I hadn't, but I really respect you in how you handled the situation, and you let it slide down your back. Ignore. Delete. Exist. Continue. You don't need anyone in your life who is willing to turn their back on such a great endeavor of their life so quickly. Additionally, and I am going to become a little more forceful and less formal here: what the fuck? Advice for the guy on the other end: 1. Come up with better insults; 2. Determine who your adversary is before hunting them, and 3. Do not degrade your own repertoire while attacking the other individual. He/they did a terrible job at an attempt to instigate a confrontation with you, and it was unnecessary, rude, and uncalled for. As you pointed out, three weeks after the fact? Really? I'm 23 and feel as if I have more brains and balls than all of those asshats combed together (whether it is true is up to debate, especially depending on who you are talking to). Again, kudos for maintaining composure, hats off for being part French, and fuck them for their words of hate and disregard for another. You're a good man, an educated and amazing writer, and my hat is off to you. I did not know you had a blog. Keep on keeping on, brother. Whether or not it is of significance, I am proud of you. I have read your blogs, and must say that I am a new fan. Impressive as hell (where I have yet to visit, but I here the layout is wonderful. I am just hoping they will grant my request of a kosher meal, especially considering that it isn't a religiously-oriented dietary need of mine, so it's probably going to be more difficult to get. Haters!).

M.A. Gunter said...

Haha, thank y'all for reading through that...I realize it was a total wall of text and a little confusing.

Though I do think it's a little too far (and to me atleast, untrue...) to call her fugly.


Coolhandluq said...

I'm glad I never met her. At least she didn't waste too much of your time. Good riddance.

Shannon said...

UM... I'm totally "speechless" after reading that. My jaw dropped several times.