Monday, June 30, 2008

Bumper Sticker Patriotism

This morning a terrible thing happened to me. It's not the first time it's happened, but this time it was quite a bit more traumatic. Today started like any other Monday morning, I woke up, had a cigarette, read the morning news on my phone, had a glass of orange juice and an English muffin, took a shower, got dressed, and then walked down to my car to head to work whilst cursing whatever foul god is responsible for this insufferable heat They get cursed about a dozen times a day during the summer, no doubt boding ill for the fate of my soul, but I digress. I get to my car, and am stunned. I had been vandalized.....I felt so violated. For on the back of my car, was the above magnet.
Some asshat apparently decided either me, or my fine German engineered automobile, wasn't patriotic enough and so they saddled it with that. I'm sure you can imagine my horror.
I mean first off, who the hell buys these magnets and puts them on other peoples cars? And second, what the fuck does support American even mean? I pay my taxes, I vote, I bitch about the idiots in office because other idiots also vote.....what else am I supposed to do? Seriously, what does 'Support America' even mean? I wonder if this is the car magnet people with a poor grasp of the English language who may or may not come from a nation south of the US buy to put on their pickup just to fit in.
I understand the Support the Troops car magnets. I think they're stupid and a really empty gesture, it's not as though enemy soldiers are going to quit firing because you put a magnet on your car or some depressed soldier was going to off himself until he saw your car magnet and then decided that life was worth living afterall, but hey...if it makes you feel better, whatever. Just don't put them on my car.
Which is to say nothing of the "Never Forget 9/11" bumper sticker series. As if I'd totally forgotten that a plane had flown into a building 7 years ago killing 3k people and giving Bush the chance to start not just one, but two wars and erode my civil liberties in the process. That's really not one of those things you just kind of forget.
I miss the days of the Jesus fish, which was then countered by the Darwin fish, the fish with legs, or Darwin eating the fish. It never really made sense on account of the story of the fish being completely irrelevant to Charles Darwin, but it was atleast entertaining to see the Christians and the Secular folks engaged in cold war through fish magnets.
Now? Well now we get asshats shoving their pseudo-patriotism in your face with an entire line of magnets and bumper stickers which undoubtedly are made in China. And then putting them on your car. God bless America.......

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